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The one thing we bankers never like is the silence during the down times. I was sharing a glass of Hibiki the other day with my buddy — let’s call him Ten Pints — when the red light on his BlackBerry went off. Was this a message getting the go-ahead for a deal? Far from it, just another bollocking from an issuer.
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I don’t enjoy reading the news anymore. All the stuff about Nikkei collapsing, companies going bust and IPOs being pulled gives me the shudders. But one bit of information caught my eye this week showing the absolute cheek — but incredibly brilliant move — of some Indian state-owned banks.
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It has not been a good week for the old coffers. Tai Tai managed to drag me off to the Art Basel event in Hong Kong despite me insisting that I was allergic to acrylics. It was bad enough that I had to spend my morning wandering the exhibition centre listening to a bunch of so-called experts spout some guff about why a bunch of squiggles on a page brings home the despair of mankind, but the torture did not end there.
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We know we shouldn’t do it. We know it’s bad for us and will only cause us pain, but we bankers just can’t help looking at league tables. However well or badly we know we are doing, we need that validation of seeing what rank is by our name and, more importantly, where our rivals are. It’s a sad state of affairs.
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So what have you been doing this week? No doubt erasing anything compromising from your Bloomberg terminal after it turned out that some journalists spend more time observing us than they do following the financial markets.
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It has been hard to find time to write this column this week. This is not just because I have been ruminating on the best way to deflate that big yellow duck, masquerading as art, that has been floating around in Victoria Harbour.