But having received an invitation for a private view at Art Basel from an old chum of mine at UBS, I decided to take the plunge. I must say that modern art is not really to my taste — oo many dustbins and unmade beds — but my art broker assured me that financially, it is a one way bet.
My eye was particularly taken by a full size flattened Fiat 500 hanging in the Ben Brown gallery. Apparently it took 10 men to hang the damn thing on the reinforced wall. I was just picturing it hanging above my bath when I noticed a smartly dressed man swoop in with a suitcase. After a few words with the gallery owner, he handed over the suitcase and they shook hands.
Such brazen displays of wealth do make me slightly nervous. I had assumed that the handshake, a pat on the back and a cheque in the post would do the business. But it seems that’s not the way things are done these days.
I’m no pauper but I suddenly felt out of my depth and decided it was time to go home. Next morning I sacked the art broker and enlisted the help of an expert in Renaissance art at Sotheby’s — much more my style.