How to get ahead in investment banking

Cher Chris,

One of the main themes in the New Issues column is that in finance, you must deal with the world as it is, not as it should be. The workplace sometimes lacks the justice and fairness we expect, and while you should always act ethically, it’s essential to be strategic, clear-eyed and be under no illusions.

Remember: people often act in their own self-interest, which may not align with broader business goals.

You write that “I don’t know if senior management even cares that much, which is part of the problem, but at the very least would save the business a chunk of cash to get rid of this guy and let others have a go, seeing as he’s living off our work anyway.”

You may be right, but it is a category error to think senior management will deep-six your unproductive, free-riding boss to save money.

For one thing, investment banking businesses are often evaluated based on revenue and market share. If these metrics are satisfactory, then there’s little incentive to rock the boat. There’s only downside for senior management in tossing your boss overboard. If the business struggles later, it calls into question the decision to oust him, even if his departure is unconnected with any subsequent difficulties.

Your boss sounds like a savvy political operator, leveraging juniors’ work for his gain. While it’s tough being his underling, senior management won’t care if the team is hitting targets.

Trying to expose your boss as a credit-thieving slacker could backfire. Management might interpret it as a criticism of them, damaging your standing and cementing your boss’s position. Management may know he’s no good, but at least he’s their guy.

Plus, if they remove him, it also raises fraught issues of succession. You might think you’ll move up, but investment banking — like nature — abhors a vacuum. As soon as your boss is perceived to be on his way out, others will raise their hand. Some might suggest recruiting from another bank, and an external hire may suit certain political agendas.

Here’s the deal: if you don’t think management is interested in dumping your boss, it’s probably because his presence suits them. His laziness or incompetence is beside the point. His position will only be threatened when he becomes problematic for them.

Remember the catchphrase from the 1979 science fiction film Alien: “In space, no one can hear you scream”. Channel your inner Ellen Ripley (magnificently played by Sigourney Weaver): you can complain, but nobody’s listening. Like Ripley, you must tackle the problem yourself.

It sucks, I know. Your story is an oft-told tale in investment banking. As Bill Clinton famously said to a heckler at a campaign rally: “I feel your pain.”

So what can you do?

You could always shop yourself around to other banks. You say, however, you work at a non-top tier bank, and so even thoroughbred performance might not attract much attention. Investment banking bosses often like to boast they poached stars from heavyweights like Goldman Sachs or JP Morgan. While snagging a talent from a lower-ranked bank might be smart economics, it’s often bad politics. Besides, there is a view that recruits from top tier banks are more battle-hardened.

Another idea is to try to undermine your boss internally through clever machinations. But unless you’re as crafty as Jimmy McGill in Better Call Saul — who could outwit his adversaries with verve — it’s pretty risky. It sounds like your boss has razor-sharp antennae and a knack for survival, and in any case, senior bankers can quickly spot a scheme to discredit a colleague. They are all black belts in the martial arts of office politics. Conspire against your boss, and you’ll likely be the one called by HR into a windowless conference room to meet your maker.

So here’s what I suggest.

First, go overboard on the graciousness. Kill him with kindness and flattery. Don’t fight your boss; you have to shower him with (contactless!) love. Compliment him, embrace him (metaphorically, not physically), and tell him he’s the best. Seek his mentorship and ask him to be your career rabbi. Don’t be grudging or surly. Hey, when he claims credit, tell him that you and the team couldn’t have done it without him. This may even make him more likely to share the credit to burnish his leadership credentials.

He may be bad at his job, but he sounds like Robinson Crusoe when it comes to organisational survival. You can learn a lot from him.

Second, you need to visualise progress. Close your eyes and picture a path to career advancement. Envision a credible series of events to improve your situation — whether it’s another role internally or a specific strategy. Once you alight on a vision, work to make it a reality.

Third, be patient. Remember that stuff happens. Change is inevitable (except from a vending machine). Your boss-cum-adversary might seem untouchable now, but he is just a couple of bad quarters away from having the proverbial trap door open beneath him. By all means keep your ear to the ground for new jobs but be prepared to ride it out. Hang in there, keep a smile on your face, and act graciously.

There’s no magic solution, but with charm, strategy and a bit of patience, you can turn the odds in your favour.