From Loan Ranger’s extensive meeting schedule last week, it is clear that access to these staples falls in a wide spectrum from bank to bank.
We’ll hold back from saying whose coffee tastes like ditch water, but if the cup ring fits you know who you are.
What we will say though is that Commerzbank stands out as having recourse to a particularly pleasant blend. That has to help when it comes to getting deals over the line.
Mind you, the view out of the window in our meeting with a senior loans banker there left something to be desired. In the office across the road a photo shoot was taking place, with not one but two gentlemen opting to flaunt their 80s-style braces.
These sartorial embellishments were most egregious to our host.
“You’ll never catch me in braces my friend,” he said. “Do they think they are in some kind of bad film?”
Barclays Capital has some of the nicest meeting rooms, with a real sense of grandeur — plush carpets, rich wooden tables, high ceilings and comfy chairs. Although at a lower level than other banks’ meeting rooms in Canary Wharf, they do offer a good view of the river as well.
One bank that should have views to die for is HSBC — although being up so high with so much to gawp at we wonder how anyone gets any work done at all (there is a reason why Loan Ranger is sat away from the window at GlobalCapital, and why his coffee is rationed).
But there is an immediate blot on HSBC’s view in one direction. The KPMG building has a roof terrace that might be a huge asset to it, except that what avails instead is drab concrete that has become overrun with some kind of jungle.
Surely remedy can be found for this? There is a world of opportunity here for a landscape gardener. Maybe some kind of Japanese rock feature is in order, or even your basic English shrubbery. Anything would be an improvement though, and a better testament to KPMG’s expertise in taming the wilds of corporate finance.
With all of this said, the state of one’s home life must also be a contributing dynamic. Which is where the 6pm Friday voting deadline for the GlobalCapital Syndicated Loan Awards 2014 — and Loan Ranger’s enthusiastic bullying of people to complete it — maybe has a charge to answer.
“I plan to blame you when I’m late for my wife’s birthday dinner,” said one senior African loans banker after a session of Ranger's best hectoring.
Ouch.