The service began with some poignant readings from loan market devotees Simon Derrick, Andrew Moses and Paul Gibbon.
Next, a touching speech from Jonelle Roback, founder of this year’s charity Make Sense Of It, which raises funding for research for a cure for multiple sclerosis.
After an angelic rendition of 'While Shepherds Watched', UniCredit’s Tim Hoffmeister took to the lectern in place of Steffen Wasserhess, who — Hoffmeister assured us — was not faking it and “really was ill”. The UniCredit loans head did a sterling job of filling in for his colleague at the last minute.
Then the famed Canon Parrott took the floor. He opened his sermon with a brief description of the life of the patron saint of the church: St Lawrence.
Lawrence, we found out, was famed for having defied the Roman Empire and, for his insolence, being burnt to death on an iron griddle. Parrott suggested St Lawrence be named the patron saint of McDonald's, given the means of his death.
This might have been the first time since Roman times that a gathering of several hundred people had laughed at the idea of someone being burnt to death.
The ever-imaginative Parrott used props and humour to keep us entertained and imbue his sermon with the message of charity.
Afterwards, the congregation crossed the road for the annual Commerzbank drinks and to enjoy festive refreshments, although the Ranger was surprised to hear one banker bemoaning the quality of the glühwein. “It did leave something to be desired, but it was very good of them to put on the event.”
We will keep the identity of the banker anonymous for fear of sending him to a fiery end at the hands of a furious Commerz banker. The loan market is all for seasonal peace and goodwill - but no one should let them get out of hand.
A very merry Christmas and happy new year to you all!
